My biggest fear

I am a stay at home teenage mom, I'm about to be 19 on the 7th of this month. I have a beautiful little girl named Chloe Alexandria, and a handsome stepson named Cameron James. I'm currently pregnant with my second child whose name is Cael Jeremiah Murphy. I had a really rough delivery with my daughter and had to go for an emergency C-section, afterwards I hemorrhaged so bad that I passed for a minute or so, and then was resuscitated. The following day I had 3 blood transfusions. When my fiance & I started trying for our first child together, we knew it might be rough..we just didn't think it would be like this. I'm so worried about my son because since 16 weeks I've had placenta previa, at 25 weeks it had moved though and I was so grateful. The next day however I had severe pains and had to go to the ER.

I found out then that I was contracting steadily and even though there were no cervical changes, we needed shots (3) to stop the contractions. I was told bed rest and follow up with doc. A week went by and I followed up, and was then told I could go back to my regular routine. That weekend I start contracting again and this time I'm listed as pre term labor. I'm on bed rest, which I stick to, and on July 1st, the day I turned 28 weeks, I start having severe pain and feel a slight snagging sensation. We go to the ER, again. I'm actually friends with the nurse who seems to always be there when I get taken in. She was the nurse who saved my life with my daughter.. as we go in this time, it's early and before her shift, the nurse I have hooks me up and makes sure my water didn't break. She isn't as nice or even really thoughtful of anything as my other nurse is very kind and always on the ball. She doesn't check my cervix and doesn't really do anything.. I'm there at least 3 hours before shift change and then my nurse comes in. She checks my cervix and realizes it's to the front and funneled. This isn't good, she then realizes I've been contracting a good long while..and no one had checked my cervix.

She calls the doctor and she tells her to give me another shot of the medicine to stop the contractions, as well as an ultra sound to check baby's measurements and my cervical length. They also do a swab to find how close to labor I am. Which thank god, came back negative for at least the next 72 hours. Although the ultra sound didn't bring back such good news. My cervix is short and I was put on strict bed rest. Not allowed to get up for anything other than peeing and a bath. I now have everything set up in my living room so I can be with my family and still be on my bed rest. I was also told they do not believe he'll stay in till due date, but I have to try my hardest to keep him in till 35 weeks, otherwise I will be flown to Orlando or Tampa for the delivery so that Cael will have a neonatal infant care unit. Neither my doctor nor my nurse think I'll make it that long..we go Tuesday for steroidal shots to mature Cael's lungs and help in case he does come early.

My biggest fear is losing a child, especially this far along. I have had 2 miscarriages early on, before even 2 months, which we're both severely hard on me. I'm so worried he won't make it..even with steroidal shots his chances if he comes before 35 weeks aren't that great. I worry that even with me sticking to bed rest and doing everything possible that he might not hang in there.. I guess I just wanted to vent and share this whole experience right now..